To The One That Left

You chose to leave me. Instead of working on things. You have your reasons, but I see it as being a coward and spiteful. Especially considering what happened.

Yes, I made mistakes. A long time ago. You just can't get past them. You keep bringing up things from years ago. And when I try to say it wasn't all bad and it's not all how you remember it you get angry. You get angry about everything. I don't know why.

Is it because you know I'm honest to you? Is it because deep down you know I'm right about some things and you just can't or won't accept that? Is it that?

I have apologized and I have changed my ways. And those things shouldn't even be a problem since we haven't been romantically involved in a long time. Yet you have issues about them. Yet you can't control your sexual desires and cause issues between us. Yes, that's you. And you let it continue.

When you're with your true friends, remember one thing. Yes, the true friends, the ones you keep around. The ones who didn't care when you were going through rough times, the ones who didn't sit with you for days helping you get a job, the ones who didn't help you keep your self confidence up, the ones who didn't care about your birthday, the ones who won't listen to your worries and help you. Those true friends. Those friends you want to keep around. Remember what you had. Remember what you left, on your own free will. So impolitely. So roughly.

The one to whom you couldn't even say sorry to. You couldn't realize you were being a bully. Even when shown several times. Still just got angry because I showed you how you act. How you want to control everything. Manipulate. Unconsciously. Tried to help you realize that so you could make things better, for yourself and others. So you wouldn't do the bad things anymore to yourself. So with the next person you might be different.

But no. That was impossible to you. No matter how many times you claimed to accept the things you do, still you couldn't accept this. And you rather just did the silent treatment and finally threw me away.

Now you have nobody you can completely trust to be honest with you. But you don't need that. You were hurt once, in a situation into which you came into completely knowing and willingly. And still blame others for.

And everything is about blame for you. Anything I say is blaming you for everything. You can never take any critique about anything. You just explode. You have anger issues. You have many issues. Issues I was trying to help with but you refused to acknowledge.

Quoting words from others on social media may make you look smart but when you don't understand your actions and don't really reflect on them it won't change anything. Yes, I know you say you reflect on things. But you don't. When you don't have anyone to tell you how people see you, how your actions affect them, you're just in your own bubble where you think you know how you come across but you don't. You can't know how others feel.

Remember the last time? When I asked you to reflect on things? You replied immediately claiming to have already done that. And then when I explained the thing you were supposed to reflect on you didn't even realize you did it. And still kept on claiming you have reflected on that specific thing. You really couldn't see that? Or just wouldn't admit to it? Since you just got angry, once again, and never could say sorry.

And as I said, your remaining true friends will not help you with things. They don't care about you enough. They'll do whatever to keep you being nice to them and only be around when they need you. They won't be there when you have problems. They won't care. And you know it.

I waited for a long time for you to sort things out. I waited. And waited. I gave you time. I didn't push you. Yet whenever you wanted some answers, or were angry, or just wanted a fight, then I needed to have time. Immediately. Nothing I said was right. If I didn't want to talk you manipulated me with your victim complex. Many times. That's not a sign of a caring friend, is it?

So you must really hate me for some reason if you threw me away. And I will never really understand why. All I see is a person who can't manage the things that happened, can't control their urges and won't see the problems with their actions. So you will continue doing those things, keep making yourself into a victim and just go deeper into that hole.

I really hope that won't happen. I hope you find someone who truly cares and truly understands. And wants to be there for you. But as we've seen it rarely happens.

So I hope you're happy now. Happy with the true superficial friends. With people who will not tell you when you did something wrong. Who will not care about your life, your career, anything. Who will only care about the nice things you give to them and do for them.

I never left you. And never will. But I know you won't be looking back. You won't miss me. You've created an image of me that makes sure your mind only sees the bad things, remembers the bad moments, and pushes aside all the good that happened and could have happened. You'll see me as the bad guy so you can make sure you won't regret your decision.

But I never left you. And never will. If someday you will realize what you did was a mistake, I'll still be here. I made a promise and won't go back on it. Not like you did.

But I'm now expecting you to come back. So I'm just left here wishing I'm wrong. Wishing you find someone who truly cares. Wishing you have a good life. Wishing you'd actually realize the things you're doing to hurt yourself, the ones I've told you about many times. And you'd start loving yourself enough to change things.

I truly wish that. More than I wish for you to come back. It's not about me, it's about you. I always wanted the best for you. And still do. I am no saint, not by a long shot. But I was true to you.

So goodbye, dear friend. Goodbye. I won't be waiting, but I will be here.

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