Never Today

the ease at which people live
move from moment to moment
without thinking
without pain

it fascinates me
it scares me
the ease
the effortlessness

I cannot spend a single moment
without thinking
without obsessing
of the future

the changes it causes
if I do this
or that
or don't do anything

the infinite possibilities that ensue
from every single thing
every choice made
every choise not made

how do people survive?
how do they just go on?
doing things
going places
having fun
being free

freedom is an illusion
as they say
ignorance is bliss
oh if only

I want to be ignorant
I want to ignore
I want to be able
I want to do

yet I stay in my bubble
not going anywhere
not doing anything
too afraid

too afraid to move
too afraid to stay
too afraid to open my eyes
to the world outside

I see the world in numbers
on the TV screen
how someone else has seen it
before me

I never see it myself
not like I should
too afraid to move
too afraid to go

someday I want to go
go somewhere
but not today
never today

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